OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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