Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
