The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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