I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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