she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
