My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
