omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
