Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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