STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we're making bets on your personal life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
