Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
