I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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