watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
