so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
