Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
