we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
