i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
