What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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