just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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