I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
not ubering you a puppy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
