I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
