so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
