hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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