Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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