She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
