Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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