Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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