Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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