The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
