i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
