I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
two words...techno handjob
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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