dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
