hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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