I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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