if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
