The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
