Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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