Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
