Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
