I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
