What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
