What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
