Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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