Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
