For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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