your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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