Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
