Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
