We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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