You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
