you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if only i could text you this smell
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
