i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You are a genius and a whore.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
