she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
