OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
