Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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