Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
