I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
