Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
